How To Watch Soccer Like A Girl

Disclaimer: I don't necessarily do this myself.
During international soccer events like World Cup or Euro Cup, follow these simple rules for your viewing enjoyment:
Step One: Be sure to see the game from beginning to end. As you watch the national anthem being played, scan the players faces, to decide who to keep an eye on throughout the game. During World Cup '06, Schneider winked (at me) during the national anthem, and Germany became my new favourite team.
Step Two: Choose the team with the most good-looking guys, and cheer them on.
Step Three: Don't turn off the T.V. until the game is over and the players have exchanged shirts. You know why.
Now, as I said earlier, I don't necessarily do this myself. I watch soccer because it's The Beautiful Game. The players don't fight like they do in hockey. It's overall, with few exceptions, a gentleman's sport. The athletes have to be fit to run for 90 minutes. They have amazing skill and it's exciting to watch.
I even understand the rules of the game, with the exception of the new off-side rule. (Do the linesmen even understand it?)
But if I did want to get more viewing enjoyment out of each game, I would consider implementing the above steps.
Oh, don't be so shocked! Do men watch women's beach volleyball because they understand the signals they give each other? You know, the one the camera zooms in on? I rest my case.